Bittersweet News

"SmoresTM Has No Chill (O==[][]==O)" (sammauri) 02/01/2015 at 18:10 • Filed to: None

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A while back I posted about my uncle, who was given a Ferrari FF for a weekend courtesy of Miller Motor Cars. It was his intent to buy said FF, which was a beautiful shade of Cliché Red and had several wonderful options that I'm sure Ferrari only included with the promise of my first male cousin as payment.

Perhaps my uncle decided he didn't need a second Ferrari, or perhaps he mistakenly decided his son was not worth the price of this strange New England winter worthy Ferrari wagon/hatchback/sportscar creature that has been dubbed the FF. There is no way of knowing his rational (short of asking him), so this shall remain a mystery.

He did not, however, give up on the purchase of a new all-wheel-drive vehicle and, unsurprisingly, his new choice retained the possibility of landing him in jail. Unlike the FF, he would not be able to have his entire immediate family watch as he was dragged away in cuffs. It's a shame, but so it goes.

This morning, at exactly 10:00am, my uncle sent me the following three pictures.

"How you like them apples?" he asked. "Check out my new ride!"

Part of me didn't believe him. Part of me didn't even realize who was texting me. Part of me wanted to know why it was so damn bright, and why my girlfriend had stripped away any protection from Florida's bright sun by completely opening the blinds. Why would she do that? This ball of flames and gas is not something I want stabbing me in my retinas the very moment I wake up!

But no, I didn't believe him. This is a man who has lusted after a Porsche Turbo S since the 997 version was days old, arriving in Porsche showrooms swaddled in red velvet ropes to keep the unworthy away from its beauty. Yet even with his unequivocal lust he continued to lease or purchase the lowly Carrera S models. Had he finally snapped? Was he attempting some sick practical joke?

He sent me two more pictures to prove his words were true.

With that, I believed him. It takes a special kind of crazy person to take delivery of a Porsche Turbo S immediately after (and, according to today's weather forecast, immediately before) a harsh winter snowstorm, and then immediately take said Turbo S to the beach to take a couple pictures. It just so happens that my uncle is exactly that type of crazy person.

Blondude > SmoresTM Has No Chill (O==[][]==O) 02/01/2015 at 18:12

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Break it in with some parking lot snownuts? Break it in with some parking lot snownuts.

Cherry_man1 > SmoresTM Has No Chill (O==[][]==O) 02/01/2015 at 18:13

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Your Uncle sounds like an awesome man.

Aaron Paul: Oppo's Resident Fake British Actor > SmoresTM Has No Chill (O==[][]==O) 02/01/2015 at 18:23

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You could remove this thing from the picture and nobody would ever care. Sweet 911 Turbo S, though. Tell your uncle I said congrats on the new car!

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > SmoresTM Has No Chill (O==[][]==O) 02/01/2015 at 18:23

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Honestly some of my favorite rims of all time!

SmoresTM Has No Chill (O==[][]==O) > Blondude 02/01/2015 at 18:24

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Knowing him, that actually might happen. I guarantee he's been thinking "I can do 0-61 in 2.9 (unofficially 2.6) seconds, but can I do 0-62 in 2.9 seconds in the snow?" since he picked it up.

NonDriftingS13 > SmoresTM Has No Chill (O==[][]==O) 02/01/2015 at 18:25

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Beautiful car!

SmoresTM Has No Chill (O==[][]==O) > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! 02/01/2015 at 18:26

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Me too! They're absolutely stunning. I'm really happy he went with them. I'm really digging his choice in color combination too.

Steve in Manhattan > SmoresTM Has No Chill (O==[][]==O) 02/01/2015 at 18:27

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It appears that this is not an AWD Porsche ... am I seeing things?

SmoresTM Has No Chill (O==[][]==O) > Cherry_man1 02/01/2015 at 18:27

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He's very awesome, and would be even if he drove a Corolla.

I think he would rather die before DDing a Corolla.

Brian Silvestro > SmoresTM Has No Chill (O==[][]==O) 02/01/2015 at 18:31

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FF > 991 Turbo S

SmoresTM Has No Chill (O==[][]==O) > Steve in Manhattan 02/01/2015 at 18:33

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Huh? This is definitely an AWD Porsche. Though the answer to your question depends on a number of factors, most concerning of which being a recent consumption of psychedelic substances. I am sorry, but I am not qualified to answer your question due to a lack of information.

SmoresTM Has No Chill (O==[][]==O) > Brian Silvestro 02/01/2015 at 18:50

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The FF would have been sick if he hadn't recently gotten the Grand Cherokee Summit and still needed something to hold a car seat, but he's wanted a Turbo S for so long that I actually think he made the right choice.

samssun > SmoresTM Has No Chill (O==[][]==O) 02/01/2015 at 19:34

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A 911 Turbo S is a far better choice than some silly front-engine, 4 seat, 4100+ pound Ferrari. I know Jalopnik loves that Ferrari was finally able to license the Veloster's groundbreaking hatchback technology from Hyundai, but I can't see driving both and not taking the Porsche.

Steve in Manhattan > SmoresTM Has No Chill (O==[][]==O) 02/01/2015 at 19:51

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I was under the assumption that it said '4S' on the rear end when the car was AWD. Color me wrong.

SmoresTM Has No Chill (O==[][]==O) > Steve in Manhattan 02/01/2015 at 20:35

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In most cases, you're right. The Carrera and Carrera S are only AWD when there's a 4 tacked on the rear end. The Turbo and Turbo S (as well as both Cab versions) are only offered in AWD.

Alex B > SmoresTM Has No Chill (O==[][]==O) 02/01/2015 at 21:45

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Congrats! Looks great, I'm a big fan of the 911. :) Also, I hate to be that guy, but what does your uncle do?

SmoresTM Has No Chill (O==[][]==O) > Alex B 02/01/2015 at 21:50

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Good fucking question. I honestly can't tell you all of it because no one really knows. He has stock brokerage firms in three major cities plus one locally, he has an educational company that helps teach people how to get into (and not fail miserably in) the stock market, but he also has some time of building company that usually builds spec houses and also is a partner in at least a dozen other random things.

I don't even know if he knows everything he's involved in. If you were to ask my mom (his sister) that question, she would likely say "I don't know, he just makes money."

philipilihp > SmoresTM Has No Chill (O==[][]==O) 02/02/2015 at 08:48

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That looks amazing. Great choice on your uncle's part!

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > SmoresTM Has No Chill (O==[][]==O) 02/02/2015 at 18:11

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Sweet googly moogly those wheels are pretty